HOW TO WIN MEDALS AT THE OLYMPICS

Nigerians are disappointed: some are depressed, and some saddened by the dismal performance of our athletes at the just concluded 2012 summer Olympics in London.

Keen followers of sports would remember the strong assurances given to Nigerians by sport administrators (who wanted to use such assurances to attract more money to their departments and pockets) that our athletes would bring home medals after the Olympics. Well, the athletes came back empty handed- without even a clay medal. What a shame!

I watched a T.V. program where two men argued on the reasons why our athletes performed so poorly. One said, “We don’t have talented youths.” The other argued, “The sports administrators are to blame.”

I agree with the latter.

How can a right thinking person say that there are no talented Nigerian youths? That’s not true. Look everywhere in Nigeria, you’ll see raw, untapped talent.

Now I’ll bet that Usain Bolt can’t beat some of our boys who hawk Gala beef meat on our highways, from Lagos to Port Harcourt to Kano. These boys can pursue a moving vehicle, catch up with it, and even overtake it. It’s a wonderful sight to behold. If Usain Bolt was Nigerian, he’d probably be lost in the throngs of highway hawkers daily employing their talents in the sale of their goods and wares.

But I think the Olympics are not completely fair. If the International Olympic Committee should include some of our favourite pastimes, we would definitely win a basketful of medals. Come to think of it, our athletes would be world champions if some activities popular in Nigeria are made Olympic events.

This is what I mean. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have internet scamming as an Olympic event? Oh yes, in fact the rest of the world wouldn’t bother to send athletes for this event. This would definitely be a clean sweep.

Consider a pot and/or marijuana smoking competition. No. Seriously, our youths would excel. The Jamaicans might not stand a chance against us. If you think I’m kidding, go to Enyimba stadium when there’s a football match going on. From the gate, you’ll think the stadium is on fire. You’ll notice a large cloud of grey-coloured smoke rising from one of the stands - the Columbia stand. That’s the drug-free stand. Not even the police would dare trespass. Draw closer and you’ll swear there’s a weed-smoking competition going on. It’ll probably be a good idea to push for it to be made an Olympic sport.

Another event is church and mosque bombing or burning. Has it ever occurred to you how many churches and mosques have been burnt by youths in the name of religious riots? Again, another clean sweep.

What about oil bunkering contest? Nigeria can be sure of three gold medals because it’ll be in categories. There’ll be the heavyweight category, featuring top government officials; the middle-weight category, featuring some oil companies; and the feather-weight category, featuring militants and local youth groups.

Another event which might win us some medals, and draw contestants from Oshodi and Aba motor parks- could be the pick-pocket competition. I say this because only a few days ago, a tout tried to steal money from my breast pocket. How can you beat such dexterity (or is it stupidity)? I am awed.

No Nigerian needs a clairvoyant to predict the reaction of the Nigerian government to our dismal outing at the Olympics. Quite normally, a high-powered committee will be constituted to investigate the reasons for the athletes’ inability to win any medal. Permit me to suggest that the committee should consider the aforementioned proposals so as to push for their inclusion in the next Olympics.

Come on, these are our strong points. Or aren’t they?

INFORMATION PARALYSIS By Nonyerem Ibiam

I had been toying with the idea of starting a blog for some months now. Initially, I wanted to start blogging right away, but then I decided to surf the net for some information on how to start a blog; that, was a mistake. I was overwhelmed with so much information that I became… yes you guessed it; confused. Now, I know why.

In the good old days, looking for information simply meant walking into a library or looking things up in an encyclopaedia or a thesaurus. A new research into ‘Decision Science’ shows that people faced with a plethora of choices are apt to make no decision at all. This means when people are confronted with more information, they feel overwhelmed and opt out.

Before now, the conventional wisdom is that the more the information, the better the result. But the fact is that more information can be debilitating. In his book ‘The Art of Choosing’, Sheena Iyanga writes that when we make decisions, we compare bundles of information. So a decision becomes harder if the amount of information you have to juggle is greater.

Iyanga went on to point out that the ceaseless influx of information makes us to respond instantly, thereby sacrificing accuracy and thoughtfulness. Many employers have banned the use of any form of social media in the work place as many employees spend a lot of their working time receiving and responding to information. Those distractions often affect productivity.

Researchers point out that our brain is wired to notice change over stasis. An arriving email that pops to the top of your Black Berry is a change, and so does a new facebook post. When you let information come at you all the time, you are less likely to make a wise judgment. The research findings are particularly scary when you consider the effect of this kind of information bombardment on workers handling sensitive job roles that require full concentration and attention. Examples are doctors, drivers and pilots.

In the U.S, a study showed that many car accidents occurred as a result of distracted drivers sending or receiving text messages while driving.

So next time you want to embark on a research, remember that the fewer the better. Especially, if you do not want to get confused,

POLICE REFORMS By Nonyerem Ibiam

The Commissioner for Justice and Attorney General of one of the Northern States of Nigeria has made a call for police officers to undergo some kind of psychiatric examination every six months. The learned Attorney General made the call following incessant reports of police shooting of unarmed civilians.

In more civilized climes, the police force and other security agencies of the government are not an ‘all comers affair’. Applicants undergo serious physical, educational and physiological examinations before they are recruited.

This is predicated on the fact that it is dangerous to arm a man who lacks a certain level of educational, physical and physiological capacity.

Civic education is fundamental in the training of security agents and personnel. Without civic education, it becomes impossible for security agents to appreciate the fundamental principles underlining the roles and functions of government in a democratic and civilized society.

A police man who has undergone serious basic civic education will never raise his gun, talk less of shooting an unarmed civilian, because that will be tantamount to raising a gun and shooting your employer. Security agents, especially the police should understand that the people and not the politicians are their employers.

A situation where most of the rank and file of our police force are functional illiterates who do not understand their roles in a civil society will only lead to more chaos in Nigeria

We look forward to the total overhaul of the Nigerian Police Force from its foundations, if we ever hope to create an effective security agency that will protect the weak rather than serve as its chief tormentor.

YOUTHS; LIABILITY OR ASSET

For four days now, London and its environs have been engulfed in rioting, mostly by young people who are protesting the shooting by police of a youth in that metropolis.

The devastation so far is enormous. Looting is widespread, and over 800 people have been arrested.

This is not Africa or any third world country. This is England, a first class, civilized western nation where everything supposedly works.

This particular event has proven again that all human societies are the same. When young people are jobless and have little or no means of earning a decent livelihood or to be engaged in productive venture, any little spark will explode and expose the underlying frustration and disillusionment of that particular society

I cannot help but think what the scenario would have been if these riots happened in Nigeria. Of course there would have been a crackdown. The Armed Forces would have been called out; needless to say that many people would have lost their lives. In England, 3 people have died so far, not from police shooting (they were hit by a car).

Away from the riots for a moment, many young people in Nigeria still see traveling abroad as the only means of surviving. Just last week,  Italian coast guards discovered the bodies of over 30 young people from sub-Saharan Africa on a boat, many of them Nigerians, who died apparently from suffocation, trying to reach Europe.

Well, Europe is not a bed of roses. Ask ‘Weird MC’, who was a ‘nobody’ in London (I am sure she would have been among the rioters, if she was still there) until she decided to return to Nigeria where she found fame and fortune.

We’ve all watched with awe as the youths of the Arab world who’ve been denied their basic fundamental rights are rising and taking their country back from dictators who’ve suppressed them for so long.

The youths of a country can either be an asset or a huge time bomb waiting to explode. The youths are an asset if they are educated, empowered and opportunities created for them to contribute to the development of their societies. They become a time bomb if they’re neglected, suppressed and denied basic fundamental rights available to youths in other countries.

Is the huge youth population in Nigeria an asset or a time bomb? Well, you be the judge